The Paradox:

"The curious paradox is that when I accept myself just as I am, then I can change."  - Carl Rogers

In our Teen and Adult class last night, Tashi Janeth took us through what I've always thought is one of the most informative drills a martial artist can practice. We paired up, facing our partners in horse stances, with the palms of our hands together, then tried to get the other person off balance and off their spot. For the uninitiated, this involved a lot of really hard pushing--it was an exercise of force. For more experienced students and instructors who had done this drill before, it was much more an exercise in sensitivity: sense your partner's energy and find opportunities to use it to our own advantage. This was the skill and strategy that almost always prevailed.

The same strategy -- trying to affect change not by force but by adapting to what is being given to us at any given moment to our best advantage -- is also a winning one when it comes to achieving meaningful growth in ourselves.

We all at some point fall into the trap of being discouraged when our assessment of our current skills falls short of what we want to achieve. That self-criticism --  "I should be faster by now." "My technique is terrible." "I'm not disciplined enough." -- ultimately prevents the very improvements we seek. We're use our energy to fight ourselves rather than to learn and adapt. Meanwhile, the Dojo students who progress fastest are the ones the ones who can make mistakes without spiraling into self-doubt. They accept their current ability not as a verdict on who they are, but as a starting point in the journey to where they want to be.

True acceptance doesn't mean giving up—it means honestly acknowledging where we are right now without judgment. When we look at our current skill level with compassion rather than criticism, something shifts. We stop wasting energy on resistance and channel that same energy into purposeful action. We focus, finally, on the real work of transformation.