The Battle For Your Child's Brain

There are those who would say I'm being a bit dramatic when I say that everyone who raises, teaches or coaches a child today finds themselves at war with a malignant, brilliant and incredibly resourceful enemy. I guarantee you, they have never tried to get a child to put down a video game.

It's been almost a quarter century, but a shocking interaction I once had with the sweet little bundle of wonder and energy that would one day become Sensei Gareth remains seared in my mind, and very much informs my mission as a teacher to little humans.

The future civil engineer was, not surprisingly, a Minecraft fiend.  He could spend hours building his world if we let him--something Shihan C and I had no intention of doing.  One evening his Minecraft time was up and it was time to transition towards dinner and then bedtime.  When several attempts to get him to voluntarily leave his virtuall world went unsuccessful, I took the mouse and logged him out myself. 

And I will never forget the look on his face when he whirled around to face me.

That kind, loving little guy looked like he wanted to kill me--viciously. His usually sweet face was twisted into rage--hate, even.  I felt almost physically ill.

It was only later I would read about the studies comparing video game addictions to drug dependence. The video game industry has spent billions of dollars studying the reward pathways in the human brain, and they have engineered products that trigger those pathways with the precision of a surgeon's scalpel. The dopamine hit your child gets from powering up, unlocking a new level, hearing that little chime of success — is the same neurological pleasure response that a drug activates in the brain of an addict. And it is extraordinarily powerful.

We parents, teachers and mentors need to be just as resourceful.

In the last week's session of our Dojo Instructors Course we talked about Thorndike's Law of Effect, the Law of Learning that tells us tells us that the brain is always keeping score — behaviors that feel rewarding get repeated, and behaviors that don't, get abandoned. (Check out this brilliant and highly entertaining TED Talk from inventor and educator Mark Rober, required viewing for the Instructors Course). It's a basic truism that challenges us, every class and every child we teach with the question: Are we making learning feel good enough?

Our mission, then, is to make sure that when our kids put down the screen and step onto the mat, or the field, or the court or out onto a nature trail, that we are helping experience all the rewards those environments and activities have to offer. And when they try something hard, stumble through it, and finally get it right we need to make sure that they feel as good in that moment as they would scoring a win in their favorite game?

They should feel better. Because this is real. The courage it takes to try something difficult in front of other people. The satisfaction of earning a skill with your body. The pride of getting back up after a fall. These things should light up every reward center in the brain — and our job, together, is to make sure they do.

We're happy to be in this fight along side you.