"It is when we are in transition that we are most completely alive."
-- William Bridges
All of life's biggest challenges all have one thing in common: Change. New circumstances and surroundings are in fact often the very heart of our challenges. Wariness of the unknown is hardwired into us humans. We are less in control when we move from where we are comfortable and familiar into something different. And, of course, change can often mean loss of other things: familiar surroundings, friends, or even our sense of who we are.
But change is life's one constant, and our ability to face it head on, to embrace it, to survive it and thrive through it is crucial. That's why one of our most important jobs as parents, educators, coaches and mentors is to help young people develop those skills.
Learning to handle the big changes in life begins with the smaller, more mundane transitions. I know, from my experience as a parent and countless discussions over he years with parents of students, the struggle kids have with changes like moving up a new level in Karate or even just putting down the electronics and getting to their next activity. These small transitions will often spark the same sense of anxiety and agitation as the big ones. Trying to help my students embrace changes big and small, and be their best selves in them, has led me to read up on sound strategies.
Some things I've learned about helping kids with daily transitions...
Acknowledgement
Ignoring a child's difficulty with transition is not going to make it go away. A big deal doesn't need to be made--no need to feed the anxiety, but it's important to acknowledge that making a move from one thing to another is a thing, and it's going to require them to cowboy up (or Karate up).
Eye Contact and Discussion
Caroline just loves my ability to hold an entire conversation, while all the while my mind was deep into something I'm reading, writing or otherwise thinking about (did I say "loves"? I meant "is driven insane by it.") But I've got nothing on a kid who has their head buried in their tablet. Make sure that there is a back and forth, with eye contact, so you know you've had a meeting on the minds on what's coming up. And that includes...
Previewing
This should include the "what" is going to happen next, the "when" it's going to happen and "how" it's going to go down. But it should include more: namely all the good things associated with the place that they are going, the people they are going to see and the things they are going to do.
Visuals
Definitely something to consider. Different kids have different ways of best taking in and processing information--by listening, repeating, doing or seeing. For the visual learner, a daily schedule that they can look at with upcoming activities in blocks--maybe including pictures associated with what they like about that activity, can really help that processing.
Praise
Transitioning is a skill as vital to our happiness and success as anything else we learn. When that skill is displayed, be demonstrative with your approval, appreciation and pride. It will make the next transition easier.
Even working through daily transitions can take a concerted effort. But the rewards are there, for both your child's success and your own sanity. And when a kid get smooth with the little moves, their confidence and sense of control grows--no small thing for helping them with the larger ones.
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