The Outsize Impact of Small Gestures

“I have found that it is the small everyday deed

of ordinary folks that keep the darkness at bay.

Small acts of kindness and love.”

- J.R.R. Tolkien, “The Hobbit”

​Posted this weekend on Facebook, by an anonymous Newburyport Mom:

I’m posting anonymously to protect my son’s privacy…. My son has just started riding the bus to school this year. One of his fears was not knowing who he would sit with. I assured him after a few rides he’d feel better, it’s just new and sometimes new things can be intimidating. Today my heart sank when he told me nobody would let him sit with them. He kept asking and people kept saying no. It made me so sad. I’m hoping by posting here we can all take a minute to remind our kids as we head into the school year to be kind and supportive of their peers. If you see someone struggling, or a peer who looks lonely, help them if you are able to.

The lump I felt in my throat reading this came in no small part from memories of my own bus rides to school, or walks into the cafeteria or onto the playground of William H Taft Elementary School on the outskirts of Detroit--memories that can still provoke a visceral response nearly half a century later.  I got bullied.  A lot.  I was a skinny, sensitive, bookish kid who carried his trombone back and forth to school every day--in other words, a target (Karate and the self-confidence and empowerment I got from it were still a long way off).  But it was often the cruelty of the more casual kind from my peers--the cold shoulders, the bookbag shoved over onto a seat that I might take as I approached--that stung the most.

Conversely, it's often the smallest of kindnesses that mean the most.  A smile when you don't expect one, a sincere question as to your well-being, an invitation of inclusion can make an outsized difference to someone for whom the world seems indifferent at best and hostile at worst. 

As a parent and as a Martial Arts teacher I've always strove to help guide kids in a way that will help them make a positive difference in the world, as I'm sure you do, too.  It's worth remembering that the great things we wish for our kids don't always look like straight-A report cards or tournament trophies, but can sometimes be a simple act of compassion and kindness.

Definitely a conversation to have with our kids...